| Location | Yorkhill, Glasgow |
| Age | 1 month, 10 days |
| Cause of Death | Rare Heart Condition |
| Date of Birth | 14/07/2009 |
| Date of Death | 24/08/2009 |
| Visitors | 673 since 25/10/2009 |
| Creator |
Samuel is my first baby. His heart condition was only discovered when I was 38 weeks pregnant. I
was measuring small for 4 weeks and so had to go for a growth scan. The sonographer had issues
getting a good view of the heart and thought it was just Samuel's position. It was the same when I
had my 20 week scan, view of the heart weren't possible and I had to go to hospital 4 times yet the
last one they wrote sub optimal views of the 4 chambers. His heart condition could have been picked
up then. I was referred to Yorkhill Sick Children's Hospital where a specialist scanned me and we
were eventually told Samuel had a rare heart condition Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.
A week later on 14th July 2009 I was induced and Samuel was born at 2244 after a 6 hour labour. I
was allowed to hold him for a few minutes and then he was taken away to NICU. My partner went to
see him for an hour and I was allowed to see him once I'd slept.
Samuel had his operation Stage one Norwood procedure with Shano shunt on Monday 20th July. His
operation was highly successful and the only issue was he had an infection in his wound so was
reopened and cleaned out. He was transferred to PICU after his operation. Samuel was taking longer
than other babies would to come off the ventilator and then CPAP onto nose cannula but I think it
was a combination of Samuel and the fact that the hospital had never cared for a baby with Samuel's
condition before so they were being over cautious and I'm thankful for that. Samuel was then moved
to High Dependancy which was just one step away from going up to the ward to be discharged. He was
doing so well and was weaned off all his drugs apart from morphine which he was on a weaning
schedule for. We were hoping he'd be home just soon after the morphine was finished. The one night
my partner left me alone to secure us a new house for coming out of hospital, Samuel's heart stopped
beating. Saturday 22nd August between 3am and 5am he had to have his heart massaged to keep it
going. He was put onto ECMO to give him the best possible chance. We were told that due to his
heart stopping for 2 hours there was a high possibility that he was severely brain damaged. I
continued for the weekend in denial that this wasn't the case and hoped Samuel would be that small
percentage that survived. On the Sunday night we learned Samuel was highly brain damaged and
wouldn't survive. His heart was working but his brain was deprived of oxygen. He was transfered
into a private room and me and my partner stayed with him all night until the morning while they
weaned him off the ECMO machine. He died peacefully in my arms at 1008 Monday 24th August aged 40
days. Those 40 days were the best days of my life and I thank Sam each and every day for giving us
the time with him. I am also devastated at losing the love of my life but I shall never ever forget
him. He's far too special to me. I wish everyone got to meet him.
Saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do
A cheeky smile, a grumpy frown, memories of you
Mummy and Daddy both so proud
Unknowing of the future we treasured every moment
Eternally grateful for the times we had
Love will continue in our hearts, our memories, our thoughts and forever in our dreams.
Samuel, you were such a beautiful boy
You brought us both such joy
Every single day we spent
Our love would grow and grow
Each little sneeze, each tiny grump
Every pee and every poo
The way you looked when Daddy sang
Or when Mummy danced with you
Your tiny hands and ticklish feet
Your fingers, thumbs and toes
Your furrowed brow and giant eyes
Each of these a memory left
To help remind us both of you
Never again will we giggle as you hiccup
Or laugh as we watch you sneeze
Never again will we see you squirm, or wriggle like a worm
But even though this has gone, one thing still remains
Our memories forever strong, never lessening with age
You are our precious little boy, our grumpasaurus rex
Please remember this, as it's true
Mummy and Daddy both love you
Apologies to the kind people wishing to leave pictures. I would prefer to just have images of
Samuel in my photo album I just love seeing his face. I hope you understand.
Samuel your pictures are gorgeous and you hav a mummy and daddy who love you very much. I hope you have fun playing with all the other angels.
Love from Aidean, mummy to angel Riley xxx
A BRAVE WARRIOR
I am leaving this poem for all the brave little angels our there who fought their hardest to stay with their families who loved them so much ....
A BRAVE WARRIOR
Before this world had started
Before our lives began
God assigned us all our challenges
Some hard things to withstand
Each of us were given
Some difficult things to do
But God gave his bravest warriors
An extra burden too
So you came to this earth in a body
Broken and quite ill
But life could never take from you
A solid, determined will
You kept your face turned toward the sunshine
Trapped in a body that only knew rain
And chose to see the joys in life
In spite of all the pain
And though your body was oft' connected
To needles, machines and tubes
You bravely faced each day with them
While expressing gratitude
For the chance of simply being here
Though to us it didn't seem fair
To see someone as special as you
Suffer in a body beyond repair
So when you'd honorably completed
Every trial you were assigned
God chose to bring you back to him
Freeing your bright spirit and mind
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
Tributes For Week Starting 9th November
FOR MONDAY
Your presence I miss,
Your memory I treasure,
Loving you always,
Forgetting you never.
FOR TUESDAY
Loving you is easy,
We do it every day,
Missing you is a heartache,
That never goes away.
FOR WEDNESDAY
No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say goodbye,
You were gone before we knew it,
And only God can tell us why.
FOR THURSDAY
Memory is a lovely lane,
Where hearts are ever true,
A lane I so often travel down,
Because it leads to you.
FOR FRIDAY
Wings Of The Angels
A gentle wind blew cross the land
Reaching out to take a hand
For on the winds the angels came
Calling out a mother's name.
Left behind, the children's tears
Loving memories of the years
Of joy and love, a life well spent
And now to God a mother's sent.
On angel's wings, a heavenly flight
The journey home, towards the light
To those who weep, a life is gone
But in God's love, 'tis but the dawn.
FOR SATURDAY
If I Had One Last Day
If I had one last day
To tell you what's inside
I'd tell you that I'm sorry
For all the times I've lied
I'd tell you that I need you
To hold my hand today
I'd tell you that I love you
I'd ask you, please, to stay
You'd look at me and smile
The way you always would
And say "I'd love to stay,
If only I really could"
Then you'd laugh the way you did
Whenever I was blue
You'd wipe my tears and whisper softly,
"Don't cry, I love you too"
If I had one last day
I'd love you from the start
I'd stop hiding how I feel
I'd say what's in my heart
If I had one last day,
I'd say my last good-bye
And that even though you are far away,
In my heart, you'll never die.
FOR SUNDAY
Cry Not My Friend
When you wake up tomorrow
And I am no where to be found
When you scream out my name
To the emptiness around
When every beat inside your heart
Is skipping and unsure
Cry not my friend for I am here,
Inside your love so pure
When the waves that used to touch our feet
Have gone back out to sea
When everything you once held dear
Was lost when you lost me
When the sun that once lit up your face
Is setting far away
Cry not my Friend for time shall pass,
But my love for you will stay
When age arrives and children play
And pain creeps up on you
When loved ones show you happiness
That your life never knew
When all of your expectations are met,
No matter what the pain
Cry not my friend, for I am waiting
To hold you once again
When beauty in your eyes turn grey
And all of the rainbow, white
When strong undying hearts
No longer feel an urge to fight
When winter snows become more pain
Than beauty in your heart
Cry not my friend, for I am here
And we will never ever part
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
Thoughts Today, Memories Forever
Angela Christopher’s Very Proud Mum
♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥AXC♥
Come back
I still can't believe you aren't here Sam.
I will always love you and will never forget you
Why do I stop myself from crying, why can't I just let it out
You must be passing your strength onto Mummy
Sam I need you back
I want to be your mummy again
I want to feel you in my arms
I still remember the feeling but I want you here
There is a special Angel in Heaven that is part of me.
It is not where I wanted him but where God wanted him to be.
He was here but just a moment, like a night time shooting star.
And though he is in Heaven, he isn't very far.
He touched the heart of many like only an Angel can do.
So I send this special message to the Heaven up above.
Please take care of my Angel and send him all my love.
xx
After watching the videos I have of you Samuel I felt I had to write down how I feel so I can look back at the words whenever I feel down.
My favourite video is of you hic-cupping. Your favourite past time. Oh I can hear it now. I can also remember feeling it while you were in the womb. Such an amazing thing. Oh just to feel you in there one more time. Where you were safe. When we never knew your heart hadn't formed properly. I could just scream WHY OH WHY but then that's being far too negative. Samuel you were anything but negative. A huge grump but never negative. I feel incredible guilt for what you went through, but at the same time you never expressed any reason for me to feel the guilt.
You had the best possible chance thanks to the wonders of technology and advance in medical science. You've helped the surgeon be able to perform on future babies and give them the same chance.
You've given me strength I never knew I had. I have my happy memories of you to counteract the deep sadness I feel whenever I think of you.
Sam... Sammy baby... how I love you so.
With Love xx
Where did that smile go?
The one you saved for me.
A smile between Mother and Son,
There for the world to see.
Created in an instant,
At the moment of your birth.
A smile that warmed your soul,
And gave me Heaven on earth.
Where did that smile go?
The one that was mine alone.
I cannot seem to find it.
It isn't in our home.
I've looked everywhere in your room,
I've hunted high and low.
I'm feeling lost without it.
I really miss it so.
Where did that smile go?
The one that could melt my heart,
I would have hidden you away
If I'd known we'd have to part.
It’s lonely here without you,
It’s a shadow life I lead,
And tucked in every moment,
Is a sad and painful need.
Where did that smile go?
The one where love shone through,
Where each day was very special
If I shared that day with you.
That smile is now my comfort;
It's in my very soul.
That smile is breathing life,
To fill an empty hole.
It isn't in your bedroom.
A silly place to start.
That smile has never left me
It's living in my heart.
Why me?
Hi Sharon
We have spoke many times before on baby centre website and one thing I never said to you before what someone once said to me which is the only sense I can make of this.
When I was asking one day why this had happened to me - why did I have a baby with a poorly heart when everyone else gets a health baby who will stop with them? This person said God only sends special babies who need extra care and love to special people who will give these babies all the love and care they need. I always question why can't this happen to alchoholics? Or drug addicts? And that is the reason why - these babies are sent to us because god trusted us in their care.
Love and hugs to you xxx
Love Gemma xxxx
dear sharon,
I just want to say im so sorry for your loss of the sweetest lil boyxx
i cant say i know how you feel, but i feel your pain.....i work in a maturnity unit and lots of people say to me what a wonderful job i have, well yes i do, but people dont think of all the things that can go wrong. i feel peoples pain, when life sends the most worse blows. i send my love to u and your partner and lots of healing xx
You are very clever to get lots of photos of your yummy little boy, foreva in your hearts xxx
with love from a mother to a very special mother xx
kelly xx
THEW LORD NEEDED A FLOWER
AND THAT FLOWER WAS YOU
SO HE PICKED YOU UP FROM DOWN HERE
AND UP AND UP YOU FLEW
HE PLANTED YOU IN HIS GARDEN
HE SAID YOU WILL STAY HERE NOW WITH ME
AND THERE YOU WILL STAY AWAY FROM HARM
THE PRETTIEST FLOWER YOU WILL ALL WAYS BE XX
GOD BLESS YOU SWEETHEART xx
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